Stranger Danger

It's inevitable with a baby, you will be stopped by perfect strangers in order for them to force you to show off your little one. Of course being a new mom, I want everyone to look, see what I've produced, see how awesome he is. However, it's somewhat inconvenient when strangers come up to someone with a baby and stop them from walking in or out of a store to ask a million questions about the little tyke. I don't think it's "nice" when I'm trying to get out of a store because I know I have roughly 15 minutes before LittleMan wakes up and realizes he's hungry or needs to pee and someone stops to ask me meaningless questions about us when they'll never see us again. Maybe I'm just a cold-hearted bitch. I understand that when the family is out in public, some people (mostly older women) will stop to look at our baby. I look at others babies and children and smile from afar all the time, kids are cute. Why can't everyone just do this? Sometimes I feel as though these strangers are just trying to take my child. Why else would you ask about his gender, age, immunizations, sleep patterns, diapering, and breast or bottle feeding? Favorite restaurant, video game, ammo, or grill? I understand newly pregnant first moms trying to figure out what everyone else is doing, but these are not the strangers asking the questions. Maybe the strangers want to see what everyone's doing with their babies in order to quietly judge their parenting skills. They'll have thoughts such as "you don't use baby powder? Are you an idiot? His legs will fall off if you don't" or "what do you mean you don't bathe him in the kitchen sink? That's where you're supposed to wash babies".

What if these onlookers upon the questionnaire didn't like what they heard? What if someone asked me how old my little guy was and I replied "I don't know, I found him this morning" or "beats me, who cares". How would they respond? Would it stop the nationwide epidemic of nosey people? Or land me in jail because they're not sure if I've kidnapped the baby or I'm just the wicked witch of the east (Get it? East coast?). I'm tired of the creepy individuals that act like they might try to eat him up because he's so cute, literally. Or like I mentioned above, the ones who are obviously trying to steal him.

Here's just a few instances where Cody or I felt completely uncomfortable, aggravated, or weirded out.

Publix employee with lipstick on her teeth and a Santa hat on stops me literally half way through our exit of the automatic door. Mind you I was a little irritable at the moment which by no means was her doing, but I kept a smile on my face as to not seem rude.

Publix- oh, you have one too (referring to the woman and toddler in front of me that she apparently had finally stopped talking to)

Me- yep

Publix- how old? 

Me- 6 weeks

Publix- name?

Me- Ansel

Publix- Hansel? (hesitating and a little confused)

Me- yep, why not? (trying to smile and slowly inch the buggy forward to leave)

Publix- boy or girl?

Me- boy (well his names Hansel and not Gretel, right?) 

Publix- oh how cute, well thank you for coming to see us and we shall see you soon. 

(Ok, that was really nice)

Cody and I at the Target guest services desk trying to do an exchange. All of a sudden I turn to look out of my peripheral to see Ansel in his car seat on top of the cart and a woman is literally 2 inches in front of him staring. I hesitantly smile at her. Cody sees this and turns to see the woman.

Cody- woah, you came out of nowhere.

Woman- (just smiles at us and Ansel)

Cody- ok then

Woman- (still silently smiling at us)

Me- hi

Woman- (I think her mouth is frozen, but now I won't let her break eye contact with me in order to hopefully creep her out as I move to herd her away)

Again at Target, I am pushing Ansel and the cart away from the registers when I hear the women who was in line behind me with her husband run up to my left side (like I've stolen something and she's security) in what I'd like to call my blind spot. 

Woman- so much hair (what most say when they see him)

Me- yep

Woman- our daughter had hair like that when she was born and he reminded us of her. She's grown now and... (Ok) ...he's precious.

Me- thank you

Yesterday walking through downtown Thomasville with my sister, Ansel strapped in a harness against my chest, and an older gentleman we walk up towards begins:

Man- whatcha got? (Moving to my side, a little in my bubble, and leaning down towards my chest, pretty much staring at it.)

Me- a boy

Man- I love babies. How old?

Me- (I never stop moving in a circle around him) 6 weeks 

Man- who has the dark hair in the family?

Me- (my hair is currently almost colored black and I doubt he realizes it's fake) the...

Sister- the father (now she's getting annoyed and by now we walking away and having him talk to our backs)

Man- (says a bunch of stuff)... I love babies

Me- trying to steal my child

Sister- "whatcha got?" HIV